Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
