i don't like sucking hair
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
