Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
