What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
