Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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