I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Panties = found
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
