There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
