Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize