well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
