If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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