I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
