The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
