I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
