yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
