he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
