Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
