its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
