please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
