Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
