that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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