so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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