They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize