I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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