i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize