The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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