i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Rumble strips road head = magical
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
