oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
