you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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