Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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