didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
