she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
