and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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