just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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