I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he fucked my hip out of place.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
