Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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