would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
