Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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