Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
