apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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