Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
