I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
