I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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