We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
