i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
