Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
