Are we in a gay sports bar?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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