That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
