Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i think i have two assholes
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
