omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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