Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
