One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
