R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
