You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
