He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
