The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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