Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
