is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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