He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
