me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
