I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
