They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
