Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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