Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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