know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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