so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize