at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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