Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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