I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
