i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
