u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
