Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Randomize
