I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
jump out the window naked night went bad
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