You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
