Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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