Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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