Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
