I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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